Angle of Vision

SpeedoMan returns

The weather has warmed up enough for my friend SpeedoMan to make his appearance. He caught me outside yesterday and said that he really would like to do a vegetable garden for me this year.

Of course I kept saying no, no, that’s all right, I think I’ll skip this year, I have had a lot on my mind and right now I just don’t have the time.

But I wasn’t able to talk him out of it. So today he’ll be in my backyard rooting away.

My Grandma always said aggravation would make you live longer. If this guy keeps living by me just think of the years of aggravation he is adding to me life.

I’m doomed.

If SpeedoMan twitches one booby at me I know I'll understand what hell is all about. I'm doomed I tell ya, I'm doomed.

If you really want to know more about SpeedoMan go read the category about him to the left, he leaves me in a weak state, too weary, to link to my past posts about him.

SpeedoMan twitches for me

All I wanted was to have some coffee outside.

Some of you don’t know about my neighbor SpeedoMan, I wrote a few posts back about him. Here they are, in order, in case you’ve never read them.

SpeedoMan came over this morning (oh, how I wish winter would get here so he would cover up), anyways, he must have been watching for me because he came running over, all his bits moving everywhere.

As we were talking, his left boob kept twitching. I cannot tell you how distracting it was, finally I said, “Are you alright?” and pointed to his boobie. What possessed me I will never know, I think because I have seen him so often, so intimately, that I guess I feel I can talk to him that way. Or I could be one sick puppy, finally worn down from having to look at him and all his bits for years.

Do you want to know the rest of the story? I’m not even sure I can tell it.

SpeedoMan is working out, he says anyways, that some of his muscles twitch when they get tired, or used; he just went on and on. Then he showed me how he can twitch his boobies.

I didn’t know what to say, I mean, what do you say? I know I said something like “Wow, gee, that’s good”, then I ran back inside the house.

I think I’m going to die. I’m sure of it.

SpeedoMan for inspiration?

Guess what? SpeedoMan is out in his front yard working away. I’m going to go out there and look at him, and his moving bits, for a while. Maybe he can break me out of this weird mood I’m in. Or give me inspiration because I go back to work Monday.

Go ahead; guess what location Boss wants me to go to. Yeah, you’re right. Back to where Joe hasn’t seen his dick in ten years. Won’t that be fun? Man oh man, what a life I lead.

Inspired by SpeedoMan

I decided to catch up on some of the things I had promised to post but didn’t. These are the two stained glass windows inspired by SpeedoMan. They block the view nicely and when the sun shines through, especially in the afternoon, early evening, the beauty of it actually makes me a little grateful to SpeedoMan. Never would I of been inspired or driven to get something up on those windows without his, err, contribution.

Living Room

Dining Room

As you can see the dining room covers the whole window, that is where I get maximum exposure to SpeedoMan. I have never worked so fast on such a large project. I stayed up practically the whole night, finished it off in record time, I believe it was two days.

It's like something from another world

Actually I have to acknowledge I’m grateful to SpeedoMan. If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have some done some of the work around here that I have done. I wouldn’t have some of the best memories ever.

In my attempt to cope with SpeedoMan quite a bit has been done. I have a Secret Garden and two large stained glass windows in the front of my house, to block a view. I doubt any of it would have been done if SpeedoMan hadn’t inspired me to do it.

Some of the comments and reactions over the years by guests have been priceless. I remember the first time Boss saw him. SpeedoMan was working in his yard, Boss looked at SpeedoMan in astonishment. A look of wonder and glee came over his face. I swear I saw wrinkles disappear; his face took on the look of a child who has discovered something wonderful. Boss looked at SpeedoMan and said, “It’s like something from another world”.

I’ve watched with enjoyment, the neighbor’s reaction. Some of them are openly hostile and have called the law. SpeedoMan isn’t breaking the law; he’s in his own yard in his bathing suit. There’s no law against that.

So most of the time I have humor about this situation, but yeah, sometimes SpeedoMan aggravates me. Grandma used to say, “Aggravation makes you live longer, appreciate it”. So see, SpeedoMan has probably lengthened my life.

I just work at coping, it could be worse.

Payback is hell and I'm one sorry lady

Talk about a guilt trip. The coincidence of this is unbelievable. It’s even crossed my mind that Big Guy, or the Boss, set this up to get me well faster.

I have a huge island in my front yard. In the middle of this island is a small clear area with four garden chairs and a couple of small tables. I call this my Secret Garden.

I made this so I could be out in my front yard and not see Speedo Man. It blocks my view over to his house. The only time I’m visible is for about ten feet of walkway until I reach the entrance to the Secret Garden.

I went out to my Secret Garden this morning, which I do almost every morning to have a cup of coffee and plan my day. Speedo Man saw me and came over. Yes, in all his glory, dressed in Speedo’s, galoshes with his goggles resting on top of his head, carrying a pair of garden gloves. Did I tell you I know what his pubic hair looks like? You can tell because it curls out from his Speedo. Yuk, I had to tell you that, because if I have to suffer you do too. Remember I was sitting down in a chair, so that site was yet again, in my line of vision. I don’t think I have to tell you I stood up quickly and focused on his face. Plus I was afraid he’d sit down.

He asked me how I was feeling, and we chatted for a few moments, then I tell him I got to go in now and rest. Then Speedo Man dropped the bomb. He wants to weed my veggie garden for me. Because I’ve been sick he realizes that I can’t do that (I’m still walking around like I’m a hundred years old). I tell him no, no, that’s all right, Big Guy will do it. He’s insistent and gets his way.

Speedo Man is in my backyard right now, weeding my veggie garden. All his moving bits are in my backyard right now as I’m writing this post.

The guilt is unbelievable. Plus he went home, brought back a jar of his bread and butter pickles, which makes it even worse, I feel like I’m going to rot in hell for eternity. I am one sorry lady.

Payback is hell.

Pass a nightmare on

Pam over at pamibe wrote a short piece about her neighbors that I left a comment on. Since now I can’t rid myself of this visual I’ll pass it on.

We have a neighbor we have nicknamed Speedo Man. He’s so dreadful, so horrible, the torture of living across the street from him has been one of the reasons I have contemplated moving. Speedo Man does yard word in his teeny, tiny, Speedo’s. Maybe if he was young and really, really, good-looking I could tolerate this. Naw, Speedo’s have never done anything for me.

I don’t like to ever comment of anyone’s figure. That’s just not polite. But in this case I have to make an exception so I can give you the visual. He’s at least, minimum, 100 pounds overweight, is bald, and wears goggles with his Speedo’s and goulashes or boots and is now in his fifties. Since I have lived in this house 10 years, I’ve had the horror of seeing everything, all his moving bits, drop from gravity and age. Speedo Man’s ass is furry; I know I see it at least once a week. Gravity has taken its toll on him just like everyone else.

I know the size of his dick, the shape of his balls. The horror is unbelievable.

I’ve rushed into my house after seeing him, and asked Jesus to save me from this horror. I have wished that I could have episodes of blindness, a kind of temporary blindness that only occurs when he’s doing his yard work.

The man loves to work in his yard. He bends over, he reaches, he sweats, all his bit's moving, it’s more than I can handle.

When I go out my front door I keep my head down just so I won’t catch a peek. But some how that S.O.B. gets in my sight.

I’ve daydreamed about getting the air rifle and shooting him in the ass from my window more times than I can count. So far I have managed to hold back but I don’t know how much longer I can do that.

He haunts me too. Speedo Man pop’s into my head at odd times. I can be at work, driving the car, having sex, working in my own garden (fully clothed) and that S.O.B. pops in my brain for a visual. Nasty, that’s what it is.

When Speedo Man pop’s into my mind my face scrunches up, I lose whatever momentum I have going, and he takes away my will to live. He makes me want to drink or do drugs, I could turn into an alcoholic or drug addict easy if I had to see him everyday.

I can go on and on. It’s just horrible, terrible, I often wonder what terrible deed I have ever done to deserve this.

EVERYTIME I SEE SPEEDO MAN MOWING HIS YARD I WANT TO SHOOT HIM IN THE ASS.