My first thought, my first impulse, is to hide away

I screwed up on a project at work so badly that I’m actually in deep kaka.

Boss just looked at me, he literally couldn’t say anything because he was so dumbfounded.

I’m embarrassed, humiliated, and at the same time I am even in awe at the sheer stupidity of myself.

Yep, I am in awe at myself.

Even I can’t believe I did what I did.

When you can’t even believe yourself capable of making such a huge, horrendous, horror of a screw up, where do you go from there?

Nowhere to go but up I guess, literally, nowhere to go but up.

This screw up had me up at 3AM this morning, woke from sleep thinking about it. I took a sleeping pill to even get to sleep and I still woke up at 3AM

I am so horrified I can’t quite seem to get my mind around it. Just kind of keeps circling around in the old brainpan.

What was I thinking? How could I of been so stupid? How in the hell can I fix this? The problem is I can’t fix it and that is that.

My first thought, my first impulse, is to hide away, avoid everyone.

But that is wrong, I know that, you know that, hell’s bell’s everyone knows that.

I will drive to main headquarters, take a deep breath, put my nose up in the air and walk in the front door and face it head on.

Ah well, this morning is not going to be good morning, not at all.

Sometimes I hate being a grown up. Sucks the big one.

Update already:

Took my shower. I’m leaving in just minutes. My heart is pounding like you wouldn’t believe and I feel like I don’t have any blood flow to my head at all. If I was a throwing up kind of person that is what I would be doing, throwing up and gladly.

Jeez, this is miserable.

If I could find a way to weasel out of this I would do it in a heartbeat.

If I could find someone else to blame I would throw him or her to the wolves. Well ok, I wouldn’t but I would be tempted.

So all right, I’m a sinner for the thought, right? Me bad.

I’m just delaying, I know that, if I keep writing I don’t have to leave and face the music.

My inner child is screaming “Mommy! Help me!”

Ok, ok, I’m going now.

Going....going....gone..

Maybe the last update:

I finally got home at 7PM with my tail dragging behind me.

I am so tired. I faced the music and promised to never make a mistake like this the rest of my working career.

Of course I can truthfully say I have never made one this stupid before so it's pretty doubtful I ever would again.

Comments

[Light & Dark]

Tough it out BeeBee. There's no other way, and usually it's not quite as bad as we let our minds project.

Hopefuly that's particularly true this time. Wishing strength for you.

P.

[Pammy]

Sending good thoughts your way. It's awful...I've done it, too. Just hold your head up, say "I did it..I screwed up. And, I'm sorry." Everybody makes mistakes.