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Angela

I know it's not easy, but you just keep at it. You've had a lot to deal with. You just give yourself time to adjust and keep going, one step at time. We're all here to back you up in any way you need it.

Shelly

I applaud you for keeping going. It is a tough thing to do. I have been there, but can't pin point what gets me going again. We are hear for you!

Harvey

First: here's a {hug}

Second: FUZZY KITTENS!

If there's anything else I can get for you, just say the word :-)

sarahk

{{{hugs from me too, beebee}}}

anything else, just say so (Harvey's smart sometimes). :)

Flaming Cheeto

I feel like that sometimes. Fortunately, it doesn't last long. Otherwise, I'd lose my fucking mind. You can always prank call the people that didn't buy my house. I'm ready to supply their number. LOL

BeeBee

Thanks all of you. I'll keep ya updated on my hunt for BeeBee. LOL Sounds like the name of a good blog "Hunt for BeeBee". Mmmm

Harvey

Not to be confused with "Hunt for Red October" :-)

Beth Donovan

BeeBee,
I think I have felt that way before, in fact, I have felt that way very recently and it is so hard, so hard to find one's way out again.
An understanding family sure as heck helps, though. And you do have understanding blog friends, even if we have never met you in person.

I swear, the next time I'm wherever you are, I'm taking you out for dinner and a couple of drinks!!!

(is it the Houston area?)

BeeBee

I figure until I can figure this out I'll do what it takes to feel good.

That should give me the energy to deal with this.

I hope anyways.

Kathy

Wow...I typed "lost myself" into GOOGLE, just hoping I could find something to read that would help me understand what's happening to me, and I found this site. The way you described your feelings is EXACTLY how I feel, but I will add GUILT to your list, guilt about feeling this way. Hang in there. You are not alone.

tom

hey,

Ive just started uni for the second time, and for the last 7 weeks ive felt exactly how you just described. I have a loving family and plenty many many loving friends. I am a good looking lad, and should have nothing to worry about. I am just trying to get on with it just like you, but always with a sense of nothingness, and with a feeling of 'i dont know where i am going'. Im finding it hard to be my old self, and dont seem to enjoy anything anymore. Im starting to get very worried about this... help! You are not alone. tom

Inkblot

Greetings all. Stumbled upon this site exactly like Kathy (googled lost myself). Read through the posts... guess I've been lost for too long. Us "lost ones" come here... why? What is it we are looking for, what do "we" hope to find? Encouragement?, hope?, directions to ourselves? or to find answers... the truth about ourselves? Knowledge on Who we are? What we are doing here? Where we are going? After reading the posts I am not less lost... A couple of posts says that "You are not alone". Yet I AM still alone in my part of the dark forrest. This site just shows that there are others just as alone in their own part of their forrest. Why am I writing this? I'm not looking for sympathy... perhaps I am looking for understanding. I love being alone... I'm not communicating what I'm feeling very well so let me try again... I'm looking for myself, not others who are experiencing the same. I love being alone... with myself. But I've LOST myself... somewhere... somehow. I've been looking all over... crawling into the deep recesses of my mind, walking down dusty corridors... opening doors to the past... searching, searching... walking so far... in this "Darkness"... There's been times when I've been frantic with frustration... angry at my carelessness... How is it possible that you can lose YOURSELF? Hmmm... now, fortunately, I've reached a calm... tranquil place. Not quite "happy"... rather "content". Why or how, I'm not sure. The only words of wisdom and advice that I can offer to this forum is that THERE ARE NO EASY ANSWERS / SOLUTION. "We" (us "lost ones")are on a journey. We are on a wonderful road of discovery... so take the time to enjoy it... to "find" yourself... you have to know what it is that you are looking for. Thus "DEFINE" yourself. Know WHO you are looking for. Are you looking for your "old" self? Or are you seeking a "new / better" self? Remember this... nobody else can find you. They might give you directions, encouragement etc. but it is up to YOU to keep walking and looking. Realize that others (your partner, friends etc.) cannot truly understand where you are if they haven't been there themselves. Don't be angry at them... it's not their fault that you've lost yourself. The darkness where you've lost yourself is in YOUR mind, not theirs. :) It takes time... Hmmm.... just realized how long this post has become so I'll close with this thought. To get where you want to be, you've got to know where you are. So OBSERVE the world around you at this very moment. PERCEIVE it fully through ALL your senses. Shut down all your senses except your eyes. LOOK at all the DIFFERENT colours around you. There are so many. Look at them right now. ENJOY looking at the various colours, the richness of them, the textures, the variety. Next... close your eyes and LISTEN. Try to differentiate as many sounds as possible. Your breathing, perhaps a vehicle passing by, birds singing, a dog barking? How many sounds are out there. Now forget about the sounds... and as you are sitting there, just focus on what you can smell. So much more than we are usually aware off. Okay... here's an interesting one. What can you feel. The clothes on your body? Sitting in the chair? The air around you... flowing over your skin... what else? Here's an odd one, but fun to try... what can you taste right now? Whatever you have eaten recently? Perhaps some coffee you've just had? What else? :) SO... now for the exciting part. Take a deep breath, relax and ACTIVATE ALL of your senses. Take in everything you've just experienced. Focus on ALL of it. I bet you feel more alive right now. More energy, right? I hope it worked for you. It definitely works for me. So... THIS is WHERE you are... now decide where YOU want to be. You are ALIVE. With INFINITE possibilities. You are a FREE person. Whatever your cicumstances... you are FREE to CHOOSE how to react to them. YOU are in control - of your mind and your life right now. So smile... things can only get better! I'm still lost... but right now I'm enjoying every second of it. Somewhere out there there's a very interesting, complex and confused creature... myself. (To think... there are more of these creatures LOST JUST LIKE ME out there! I can only laugh at the image). What a weird, wonderful world. God Bless.

millie

Another lost googler here. It's been a couple months since the last comment... has anyone found themselves yet? If so, what is the secret?

Michelle

I too googled "lost myself"
I too need advice
I too want to get back to me

J

Hi, I ended up here from doing a google search on "Lost to Myself" I have been dealing with some pretty intense depression for the last 3 months and have been slipping further and further away from myself. It is definately a scary and lonely place. Hopefully in time we will all find ourselves and get better.

James

Thought I'd add a comment as I too like some others here found this site while searching for 'lost myself' in google. I think it is proberly to do with the way society is structured today. Too much alienation, isolation in the work place, and social pressures forcing people to be something they're not. I also think with TV and computers taking up a big part of peoples lifes you never really take time to spend entirely on your own. Thats my theory anyway, hope everyone is able to find themselves soon!

whereami

i'm 20, a male....and i really have no clue where i have been most my life sometimes i think it may be sexual confusion sometimes i think i may just have a slower mind then everyone else but i've felt lost all my life...and i keep looking for an answer....hard drugs for a while kept me satisfied but it just made it worse when i came back to reality...from the temporary heaven i made myself...i came back as a hermit into a society...i don't like this place and i don't think i will ever like it...i hope someday i just feel a connection to one person to make me feel alright...maybe i'll find a god...maybe not...i just need something that is not inhaled, digested, injected or snorted....i just need something that will stay until its end...and then i can look back and say that i found a something profound and i can say i felt true pain...i don't know your story but this is what i am thinking/feel at this very moment.

The Searcher

"The genius of the hole. No matter how long you spend trying to climb out, you can fall back in an instant." -- Max Payne 2

Wow, lets give one to google, eh? Sounds like a cliche, but I also googled "lost myself" in search of answers and found this site. So here's my story and two cents.

I joined the Marine Corps about six months ago. I've always wanted to be in the military, ever since I was little and my older brother was a marine. I spent my childhood soaking up anything military oriented, reading field manuals, watching the movies, wearing camo, you get the idea. It came as no surprise to anybody that knew me that I enlisted in the corps.

Then I went to bootcamp. It was nothing like I expected (another cliche). Instead of teaching aggression, they demanded absolute submission. Instead of creating warriors, they create automatrons. Sound familiar, huh; the corps has changed a lot. I did everything they asked of me. I adapted to the environment and did what I had to to survive and make it to graduation.

But something was terribly wrong. I noticed it about two weeks after stepping on those yellow footprints in receiving. I expected I would change, I thought it would be for the better. But instead it seemed as though I was losing myself. At first I thought it was just part of the process of becoming a marine: break you down and build you up stronger. But the "build you up stronger" part never came. I continued to regress, until in the middle of second phase I decided I would try to stop, or at least slow, my fall from grace, as they call it. I desperately fought to keep what I had left from falling apart. I wrote on countless sheets of papers anything and everything I could think of to help me understand my situation and remember who I was. It was also at this time that I noticed that with my personality, so went my abilities. I was starting to fail at things that I once had found easy. I felt clumsy, stupid, and all around weak. I just tried to hold on as best I could until that fateful day when I would graduate.

That day eventually came, and afterwards I went home on ten days of leave. Determined to recover from the trauma I had experienced, I did everything thing I could to replicate my life of old. I also poured over past events trying to pull some understanding out of my memories. I created a character chart of myself, much like a writer does for a character in a book. I was making progress, acting and thinking like I had before.

Then I went to Marine Combat Training. Phase Four as it was commonly referred to by students because of how much it resembled bootcamp. This was like getting hit by a car, going to the hospital, and walking out on crutches only to be ran over again right outside the door.

All the same shit over again. Fast forward to where I am now. MOS school where I learn to do the job that I was assigned. With more freedom and time off, I've redoubled my efforts to recover that person I was so long ago. It's so hard to break free of that downward spiral, and every time I think I've done it something else happens to throw me back in.

What advice I can give to all of you who are experiencing the same thing is to create an outline of yourself, just something to help guide you and remind you of who you want to be. Also, don't ever stop. Although this is different from depression, it does spawn it. It can be hard sometimes to keep going when you've lost the confidence in yourself. But you have to be determined, you have to work, to fight, for your life back. It will come piece by piece. You may fall back a few times, but eventually you will crawl out of hole you've fallen into.

Sorry for the long post, but it helps to get this off my chest. Good luck to all of you other "lost ones."

Jay

Hey everyone, Like most of you here i googled "lost myself"

I am in my mid 20's and thought i had everything figured out. I went through a drug phase when i was a lot younger but got past that and moved on. I come from a religious family but i don't believe in religion anymore. I do believe in a higher power though. A few years back i was really happy and i knew who i was. Slowly i started losing pieces of myself and the more i tried to get them back the more i lost. I continue to walk this lonely path, i have many friends and a huge family but still feel lonely. Nobody sees this side of me and even people closest to me think that everything is all good and well.

when you strip yourself of all your programming and the worlds hold on you, you start the journey and you lose your way, i think at this point in my life i feel more lost than i ever have before. I know i'l find myself again but i have to wonder just how long it will last this time.

To all you lovely brave people who decided to open your eyes and have a closer look at the world around you good luck and if anyone happens to find themselves tell us about it please. Be strong

shikha

nice to know der r ppl like me!!since d past 2 3 yrs...ive been lost..b4 twas jus a strange feelin like somethings different n som ething in me has changed..but den i started realisin everythin includin me's changed..how i used to be,my friends towards me,stopped makin friends,but dint really do somethin about it...jus continued to feel miserable..twas like all i wanted to do..couldnt..everythin i had was gettin destroyed..i spoiled relationships..bcos of one relationship..yes all dis happened afte i broke up wid my first guy..my love..atleast i think so..never fell in love again..kept gettin more n more miserable..wantin things n not gettin dem..doin wot u dont wanna do...its like now ive become what i din t wannabe..jus doin wot m "supposed" to..n not want to..dats wot it is..n my family doesnt understand..no friends understand!!n things jus keep gettin worse..sometimes u jus feel n behave wierd..bcos u dunno wot u wanna do wid d present situation..sometimes u jus get impressed by a particular person n start behavin like him or her..atleast u have an identity..yes..i feel like ive lost my identity too..at such a young age!!!m jus studin in a good college,gettin a good degree,eatin good food..all dats d best!!wot more can someone do!!but jus feel ders somethin missin from all dis...ME!!its not like it was befor..m lookin for my old self..DUNNO WOT TO DO...sometimes m jus tired of beein myself..gawddd..helpp me!!m nott a psycho..situatins have jus screwed me up!!

Katy

Hahaha this is crazy - I googled "I lost myself" too. I'm a college student in my third year...everything has been going well, but my parents went through a divorce, a close friend lost her father to cancer, and I had some issues with close friends that are no longer close friends, and now I just feel like I don't know who I am anymore...my actions, my thoughts, my PERSONALITY...it feels like I left everything somewhere, and some stranger has taken over my body. I hope everyone who's previously posted is doing well...I think we just need to persevere...and we'll find ourselves again when we least expect it. I'm hoping, anyway :-)

Alex

I also lost myself and asked google for help

When I ask myself who I want to be, without the influence of others, I really don't know.

I am always trying to be the way I think other people want me to be. Or the way that my ego thinks will make me happy. But most of the time if I am honest, I am just confused about who I am.

I don't know what truly makes me happy. And I can become anything at this point in my life, and that is scary.

Sometimes inside, I feel I have such wonderful ideas and a lovely personality. And I know exactly who I want to be. But then I can't manifest that in the world the way I want to. Who I wish I was and who I am are two totally different things.

I hope this is apart of a bigger plan and I remember that all life is a dream, and I will wake up one day and everything will be okay.

Aymee

I'm feeling like this right now and it's so hard because it's affecting me in school and I get depressed! I'm having a short attention span and I don't want to do my homework. Another thing is that I've recently been addicted to draw and read instead of school work!
I'm really worried but i feel like I can't tell anybody! I have so many problems and pressure. It finally all got to me but I'm trying to escape!

Aymee

I'm feeling like this right now and it's so hard because it's affecting me in school and I get depressed! I'm having a short attention span and I don't want to do my homework. Another thing is that I've recently been addicted to draw and read instead of school work!
I'm really worried but i feel like I can't tell anybody! I have so many problems and pressure. It finally all got to me but I'm trying to escape!

Account Deleted

It feels good that I'm not the only one who's lost. I only keep this feeling to myself because I think the people around me wouldnot understand and couldnt even help me because this is a problem about my own personality and I cant explain the feeling, and I'm afraid that they'll think that I'm weird so I hid it instead. Everyone around me thinks that I'm fine, but deep inside, I'm struggling to find the old and true me. I'm confused between what I was, what I am now and what I want to be, I don't even know myself and what i want, its like having no identity. I have a hard time deciding on certain matters and on simple things. I thought when i transferred to another school, i would be more sociable and happy, but i was wrong, i became more confused with myself, i have lots of friends now but i dont feel close and comfortable with any of them, even though they treat me like one of their closest, but for me they're all equal, like aqcuaintances. i know that's sumthings missing but idk what, sometimes i feel like i'm looking for the unknown, imagine how difficult that is,and its been a long time since i felt real happiness. idk what's wrong with me, i wonder how long will it take me to determine who i am.

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