Ever feel like you lost yourself? That’s what I’ve been feeling like for a while. I’ve been keeping up with what I’ve had to, dealing with so many things, but this feeling, like a darkness almost, a questioning, seems to of descended on my outlook of everything.
The darkness, this questioning feeling, isn’t depression, but it’s kind of like that song, I don’t know who sang it or what the name of it is, but one of the lines is, “Is that all there is my friends?”
Of course another one of the lines is, “Lets break out the booze and have a ball”.
I really don’t know what I need to do to bring myself out of this dark questioning haze, this feeling of being in slow motion.
Putting a smile on my face just isn’t doing it. Having my family love me isn’t doing it either. Usually going over my blessings can help, but that just isn’t going to do it this time.
Somehow I’ve lost my way and lost myself at the same time.
I can give myself the titles, Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Worker Bee, Mother-in law, but those are just titles that I slip into, roles that are mine to play out.
But inside, where the darkness is, that questioning feeling, of where I’m caught in slow motion, I’m looking around asking myself “Where am I?” “What’s happened to me?”
So today I’ll do what I need to, and I’ll put one foot in front of the other and keep going.
But inside I feel lost, I don’t know where I am and I don’t know what’s happened to me. I’ve lost my way and lost myself and that is simply not acceptable.